I was questioning myself, and what I have to offer the world, and my therapist told me to write about all the ways I’m imperfect. I am not sure if this writing prompt is helpful or a really bad idea. Either way, here is part of what I wrote:
+++
I am apologizing for my stretch marks, as if they’re the worst thing about me
But
The worst thing about me is that I felt the need to apologize for my stretch marks
Marking my fixation on appearance
Adherence to the rules that say taut and smooth is beautiful
What’s worse, is the worst thing about me is that I am always apologizing…apologizing for what?
For my existence
Walking around saying sorry - sorry - sorry
Sorry for my delay
Sorry I am in your way
Sorry to bother you
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense
Sorry I was deathly ill and could not respond to your email
Sorry for my body and the space it takes up
The worst thing about me is that I want you to be free
Free in my cage
Waging my wars of jealousy and insecurity and control
The worst thing about me is my double standard
Standing in the doorway,
Running away, but
Making you stay
The worst thing about me is that I think my way is the best way
Weighing you down with MY definition of good and wild and free
Free
There’s that word again
How can I even be free when the worst thing about me is me?
XO,
Teresa
Comments